Stone cold.

The person people used to know me as is now no more
I’ve changed, evolved from my old self and moving on
I’ve embraced growth and allowed it to flood my life
Guiding me as it remade me
Allowed it to rewrite me.

It’s been years since and you weren’t around to watch me wither and bloom
I didn’t shapeshift like usual- no
You weren’t there to watch me rise from the ashes
You weren’t present for my rebirth.

I chose not to update but to rather delete myself and install a different version that got rid of all the backdoors and flaws
Have you ever been battered into unrecognisable nothingness before?
And yet, after all these years of being apart, you choose not to see the difference
To see the new will of fire flaming
To see the phoenix as it never was.

You continue to judge me based on the past which has been etched into your marble tablet
Cold stone unfazed by the heat friction produces as I desperately scratch at it
Trying to scrape off and scratch out every single opinion you still have of my defaulted self.

Instead I am left with bloody fingers and almost extinct nails
My error was in not upgrading my firewall to protect my weak heart
I allow years of self development shatter at the mere thoughts you backed up and carried forward
You seem to enjoy recycling my past.

How could I allow the old system interfere and crash me?
Being dragged back into the dust, I stare at my failures and shame
Allowing my future to suddenly turn gloomy in your presence
Presenting myself as a shrewd being- broken beyond repair.
Was I just too damaged beyond redemption?
How can I erase what has been set in stone?

My system faulters and slowly shuts down.
Does that mean my bad sectors can never be recovered?
Am I forever to live as a defected programme?
Can I not be recoded?
Can my fragments ever be restored?

It’s funny how your past just creeps up on you and corrupts your system.
Will people forever be blinded by who I used to be that they wouldn’t see who I am now?
Do I presently reek of my past such that it appears to be my future?
Did I not judge myself enough for you to stop condemning me?

Where did I go wrong?
Why did I fail?
How is it that I allowed myself to be infected by you?
You with the stone cold heart.